Fake Sepp Blatter | What the hell? I keep telling people in office they have shit on forehead and I get dirty looks! Just trying to be helpful. |
Spoof
Royston Keane | RK's with The Sun? Last thing I recall was being led into @RupertMurdoch's HQ and him approaching me with a syringe. After that I'm a blank. |
|
Royston Keane | Can't believe I agreed to being the new columnist for The Sunday Sun. Either I took leave of my senses or the eejits plied me with neat gin |
notBigSam | Christ, I wish I could sleep. Or the wife would wake up and fix me some boiled eggs. One or the other. |
|
notBigSam | Sometimes when I'm pushing a pair of tits together, I imagine that if I push hard enough, they'll merge into one giant, congealed tit. |
|
notBigSam | Spanking a team of grease-caked vagabonds on the very same day the tUnE-yArDs album is dispatched to me by the Internet. Aceness all round. |
|
notBigSam | Big Sam peels back the banana skins of circumstance and feasts on the tasty, potassium-filled innards of imagination. |
|
notBigSam | Blackpool. Another victim of Big Sam's tactical supremacy. Smashed apart like an adorable fanny. |
Kai Wayne | Another source tells me that @torres is the real Fernando but the blond wizard keeps going to hit the return button and hits delete instead. |
|
Kai Wayne | My good Chelsea friend @robertrea tells me that @torres isn't the real Fernando. That one was last seen on Merseyside scoring goals. |
|
Kai Wayne | You couldn't make this up. @Torres is Fernando's actual Twitter page. He last did something in October and then fuck all since. Ring a bell? |
|
Kai Wayne | That's it, I am giving up rusks for lent. I make no apologies for the inconsistent and vitriolic content over the next 40 days. Arse. |
|
Royston Keane | Robert Mugabe oppresses and starves millions of Zimbabweans. I opressed and starved dozens of Ipswich players. We share common ground. |
|
Royston Keane | RK's sending many happy returns the way of Robert Mugabe. 88 today. Meet you for that drink later, Robbie. |
|
notBigSam | Lying on warm, golden sands, fucked up on Bombay Sapphire & shrooms, having my Blackpool Rock handled by a whore of impeccable class. Magic. |
|
notBigSam | I remember one weekend in particular there. As sordid as a queer in a cave. The beach was smashed with the tides of depravity that day. |
|
notBigSam | Away at Blackpool tonight. A filthy, tacky town, full of filthy, tacky women. Christ, I love it. |
|
Kai Wayne | Shrove Tuesday must be the only day in the year when Carlos Tevez is popular. After all, everyone needs a little tosser. |
-
Good afternoon.
The North London Derby looms once more and as many of you may have realised, St. Totteringham’s Day has been cancelled and all indicators are that this may well be a permanent arrangement.
In honour of this tawdry wrong being righted I thought it would... -
Fiorentina playmaker and reported Arsenal target Riccardo Montolivo is on the verge of signing for AC Milan, according to talkSPORT.
The 27-year-old midfielder is highly expected to leave Fiorentina in the summer after failing to agree a new deal at the Florence club, and Arsenal, as... -
Newcastle United v Wolverhampton Wanderers is an important game for many reasons. For Newcastle it is essential that they get back on the winning trail after being humiliated by Tottenham Hotspur in their last Premier League outing.
If Alan Pardew’s men have serious thoughts of... -
It has become clear that the Champions League dictates what is deemed a successful season for any major club in Europe. The manner in which managers are moved on due to failure to meet minimum requirements of European qualification has caused a number of teams... -
It isn’t quite the end of the season, I’m fully aware but that said there isn’t much that can change to affect these award categories.
First we have Goalkeeper of the Season. There were 5 candidates here. Pepe Reina for Liverpool’s defensive record, Joe Hart for... -
There’s an optimism that we’re now seeing the true beginnings of a front-line striking partnership between Luis Suarez and Andy Carroll. The latest evidence came after Sunday’s 6-1 FA Cup win over Brighton in particular when a deep cross from Downing (he actually had a... -
With the actions of star players like Carlos Tevez, John Terry and Luis Suarez, it’s easy to focus on the negative aspects of the beautiful game. The gentleman player, who is truly just happy to be playing the sport he loves, is dying breed. This... -
In the words of Sir Elton John, sorry seems to be the hardest word. Yet, Manchester City’s surly striker Carlos Tevez has issued a belated apology to his club, following the much talked about incident in Munich.
The former captain delivered an official apology through City,... -
Oguzhan Ozyakup says he is hungry for first-team football after being apart of Arsenal’s Champions League squad earlier in the season.
The 19-year-old midfielder has only managed to make just two cameo appearances – both of which came in the Carling Cup – for the Gunners... -
Whilst Newcastle had it pretty bad against Tottenham last Saturday, they can at least hold onto this one positive thought: they aren’t Arsenal. They aren’t weighed down by unrealistic expectations or pressures, they have made sensible purchases in the transfer market and are on the... -
HMRC have rubbished claims from discredited Rangers owner Craig Whyte that his club are being singled out for special treatment.
Whyte’s latest outburst came yesterday afternoon when he made a number of accusations while admitting that he had used a loan from Ticketus to buy the... -
Arrogance, hubris, stubbornness, confidence; whatever you want to call it many managers who’ve found themselves in charge of a team at the top of the Premier league have been inflicted with the curse of thinking they’ve already won the title. In the past we’ve seen... -
So here we go: A Luis Suarez article that doesn’t mention Manchester United’s right-back, handshakes or racism – at least outside the confines of this first sentence. For one reason or another, Luis Suarez’s future with Liverpool remains uncertain. Whilst the fans have rallied around... -
Ex-Gunner Emmanuel Petit has been very vocal about Arsenal of late and credit to him. I have agreed with what he has said so far and again today as yesterday the former France international has leaped to the defence of Arsene Wenger, claiming getting rid... -
Valencia midfielder Ever Banega is facing a battle to be fit in time for the start of next season with a broken ankle suffered in a bizarre petrol station incident. The 23-year-old failed to secure his handbrake when filling up last Sunday and the car...
-
Chelsea and Manchester City are keeping tabs on Real Madrid forward Gonzalo Higuain, reports the Daily Mail. The Argentina international is apparently unhappy at playingContinue Reading » ... -
Celtic’s SFA Youth Cup semi-final with St Mirren has been put back a week to Sunday April 1 with a 1pm kick-off at St Mirren Park.
The game had been scheduled for Sunday March 25, the same date as Celtic’s first team are scheduled to visit... -
Manchester United are set to face competition from AC Milan for Benfica midfielder Javi Garcia, according to talkSPORT. The Premier League champions have previously beenContinue Reading » ... -
OPPOSITES ATTRACT or so they say, possibly then one of the main reasons why there is so much hate and disrespect between these great institutions & football teams. If we look past the fact that they are huge enemies and such close rivals, with... -
Arsenal are keen on advancing talks with Chelsea over a potential swap deal involving Theo Walcott and Daniel Sturridge, according to Setanta Sports. Both playersContinue Reading » ...